i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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