was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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