Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
