I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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