If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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