I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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