Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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