all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You were trust falling into bushes
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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