I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
