Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
