I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize