dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize