Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
