Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
