I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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