i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You are a genius and a whore.
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