Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
