Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
