We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
