My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
