My hand turned me down
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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