# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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