i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
