chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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