Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
