are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
