Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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