I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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