Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
