I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
