i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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