good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
well you can't waste a boner
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
