Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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