good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
