She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
