I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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