Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Fuck me I smell like cheese
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
