Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
