the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
