Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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