I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize