She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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