doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
