I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
