Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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