why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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