Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
