if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
