why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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