ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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