well you can't waste a boner
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
