we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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