Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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