I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
