She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
