and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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