We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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