At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize