i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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