i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
