In the future we'll all be gay
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
