that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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