Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize