I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Randomize
