I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
