They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
