I'm sorry my penis didn't work
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
