When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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