There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
