I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
